ek kahani....

It was raining copiously , one of the heaviest in the season. She pushed the laminated plastic coated button of her black umbrella with purple flowers and slowly opened the fenced gate of her 1 Bhk apartment ,in a 4 storied building called "Saraswati CHS" , near the local station in Kalyan , trying her best not to make any noise that would wake up her mother.

Parvati was out again, in that stormy night for her part time job, about which her mother was not at all aware. It was past midnight now, the whole city seemed like the city of Venice , floating on water.
She waited for almost half an hour at the bus stop, almost wet in her orange colored Kurti with a batik print and a matching bottom to go with it, water was dripping down her shelled Earrings that dangled down on of her ears, only one of them,. Parvati, a dusky complexioned girl, with deep black eyes and sharp features, which gave her an attractive appeal even though she wasn't beautiful as per her mom, who felt that only fairness meant beauty. Her thick neatly plaited hair swished down her back with a fancy hair band with little tingling bells, that chimed whenever she moved, somewhat like a cow.

"Sorry for the delay, all the roads were water logged, we had to take a very long cut to reach the bus stop" a man sitting in the front seat , said to Parvati, he could be hardly seen as it was raining cats and dogs, and the water was dripping down the window of the silver santro car they were in. Parvati,   hurried up and gathered all the small poly bags she was holding and , sat in the back seat of the car.

"Where the hell have you been Manjeet, do have any idea what time it is?" yelped  Fatima Baaji at the man who had just gotten out of the front seat of the santro car. "And do you need some special invitation miss universe? Hurry up and get ready, you must know that we can do our job only at night, we are already short of time".

A scared Parvati, hurried out of the car, and ran up the wooden staircase, she almost faltered but managed to maintain her balance on that slippery floor."Carol, open the door, its me ,hurry up, open the door ", shouted Parvati. They both changed into fresh new clothes , hair tied up neatly with sweet smelling jasmine gajaras intertwined with the plaited hair . They were asked to quickly move to the main hallway and then to the corner room where they were supposed to be proceeding with their respected work.

Almost 2 hours had passed now, the dawn was about to break, the whole place was smelling of the world's best dishes, "Hurry up girls, the people have arrived, we must begin now".

With the first azaan in the morning, all the workers of the "rehmat" Orphanage , thanked the lord for giving them the duty to serve his other children, the most beautiful sight here was that there were people from all the sects working for this organization, including hindus, catholics and sikhs, under one roof, with their Muslim siblings.

These people used to gather together in the late hours of night and used to prepare food for the depriveed and less fortunate people, who used to come from by far near the holy Dargah early morning after the very first prayers in the mosque, they used to get some helpings and offerings from the nearby rich families and social firms as well, which parvati, a hindu girl used to earn as well as her part time work . 

Humanity has no religion , caste or sect. Just one thing binds all of us together and that is the power of togetherness .

sir..

The new year came.. yes 2013 which we all thought will never see.. but we all did, it came with new hopes aspirations ..encouragement to start afresh , most of us welcomed it with a feeling of new opportunities ,  with an ever shining light of hope to accomplish and fulfill whatever was left incomplete in the previous year.

I don't know for many but, for some it didn't start with that much a bang!... the previous year made many decisions already which very well determined and predicted the future which was like pretty obvious , my sister decided finally to leave Mumbai and go back home.. something which she never wanted to do but had to, the situations forced her to... apart form that, the never ending misunderstanding with my sisters friend, who also was our roommate. didn't seem to get fine and it was like a cold was thingy which kept on and on and on..but that's not that big and issue because its pretty ok , things happen they go bad but you cant just help it so many times..

so this was like a very very petty part of the bad start which wasn't even bad actually but then its bad for the ones who go through it. all this while the fights and arguments with my friend were also on simultaneously ..

then on January 10th ... another usual day in my 2013 birthday calender, as always i left home took a jam packed train and was on my way to work, just then my cellphone screen flashed the name of "Srinivas".. one of my college juniors and a very good friend, i was more then happy to his call that morning .. and i answered  to the call with a very enthusiastic "hello?".. he didn't sound very happy or even normal.. i asked him what was the matter? was everything ok?.. i thought it was the final year and he must be tensed about the placements and other shitty stuff that we have to go through during our final year, his reply was" ma'am, kuch theek nahi hai".. to which i mockingly asked" arey kya hua tujhe".. and that's when he asked me.." aapko rahul sir ka pata chala?" i was surprised confused and curious to know what he actually wanted to say?.. with utter curiosity i asked him " what about rahul sir?"

and that's when i got the worst news and the shock of my life..." unki death ho gayi maam"...

i just paused and remained absolutely silent for a moment , confused as to what to say.. i told him had he lost his mind or something?? i spoke to sir the previous day and it was absolutely impossible that such a thing could happen, its was JUST NOT POSSIBLE!!... at that second i felt like i was in a box full of vacuum,
i couldn't express i coudnt understand what i had just heard , my heat was thumping tremendously.. there were so many people around me in the train, all happy laughing, fighting talking chit chatting, nobody could even understand what i had just gone through and what i was feeling at that moment , i tried hard to hold back my tears.. but they were just not in my control, that instant i just wanted to jump off the train i just wanted a phone call or something that could tell me that what i heard was all a fake new a confusion a misunderstanding anything.

i couldn't believe that, rahul sir.. my teacher, my friend, my inspiration , my cheer leader, my business partner, my god father... had left me..had left all of us....for ever..something that neither i nor anyone could ever change, a truth that we will leave with for the rest of our lives.

rahul sir.. it may seem a very ordinary name in fact  a very common one, to everyone who will read this, but this name becomes very special when "nalla" is added to it" Rahul Nalla".. yes thats the complete name .. my senior in college, whom i never knew till i came to second year, i wont say he was a gem of a person, a very different one, always used to help others blah blah... because this is just too less to describe him.

i still remember that day absolutely clearly.. when i gave my first garment construction exam, and as i was deplorable with pattern making and stitching, i screwd up BIG TIME!! gosh!! i had cried copiously that day, with full belief that i will flunk, my world had ended there and then, that;s when, "an angel in black" (ya that's what he should be called as, because his favorite color was black.) held my hand, and guided me through a journey which i would have never been able to even commence properly alone.

"Sirrrrrrrrrr..( scooter style).. please tell me this pattern, how will i pass? how am i going to stitch? i will surely flunk.." this is what i always used to pester him with, 24x7, but the only response i always got was a very silent warm smile" tu kar lega bachcha, pata hai mujhe.. tujhe sab ata hai".. those words which never let me falter, the trust in those sentences gave me so much courage and strength that.. some one like me who couldn't even stitch properly once upon a time, got the compliment in the jury for the best stitching so far they had seen that day.. it was like unbelievable for me.. sir it was you, who helped me all the way through, i can't mention any particular module of mine in which you helped, because there were none in which you didn't , i don't believe you are no more, its not possible :) all the garments i stitched with your help all the knowledge you gave me and the rest of us, can never die can never go away....

Sir, seems like you had come just to help me pass from college.. i just can't imagine what i would have done if you had not come in my life?.. i was absolutely zero when it came to such weird subjects like PM GC, but yes your faith in me and yours trust in me that i can do it and i will.. your words which you always used to say when you were about to pass out " that dont worry i will make you strong enough before i leave, so that you can handle things on your own",, they still linger in my head, i am strong sir i can do things on my own now, but i need you to guide me still.. at every step :(... you wanted to make me strong, but how will i ever be strong without you??? even after i started working, you used to be the only person i called and informed about how i sorted the pattern issue or anything technical, it was like a very big achievement for me sir, :(

when the whole world deserted me, when i went through a very rough phase in college, there was no one, only you were there who stood with me and never let me shatter.. all the times when i used to dine alone at the balaji restaurant, it was you who gave me a call and asked" khana kahaya"? and with a very sulky accent i used to reply " haan sir kha rhi hu".. and thats when you used to appear all of a sudden and order dal khichdi for yourself.. :) even if i left a single morsel in my plate, you used to get so annoyed," dont waste food!! finish it!!.. those words used to scare me and also made me feel guilty for a moment.. and i used to stuff my tummy with every last grain.

That day when you suddenly gave me a call when i was at my home, that you were coming to give me a visit.. i was so over whelmed ... there is actually too much to tell i don't think i will even be able to put it in words.. During Design collection days it was just you who was always worried about our work and wished that we all put up a great show... as you were passing out i had decided that very day that now i will have to come to bangalore delhi or wherever youll go to ask patterns, infact all of us had decided..

you came all the way from delhi just to watch our show :) to see your kids grow and come out with flying colors..
sir, whereever you are i know.. i will again meet you soon, many things will be different but i know i will recognise you .... your principles and your teachings will never ever go forgotten, and i know you are reading this.. you wanted me to write about you one day .. :( miss you heaps sir....

your bhootni ( a name you loved to call me with)..

12/12/12

Alright alright ... the whole 12/12/12/ thingy is almost over now without any sort of calamities or any unexpected activities.. as people thought it would end with.. since this date 21st dec has been predicted by the mayan calender .. as the world's end day.. everyone has been just linking up each and every small weird or peculiar thing with the world's end.. gosh i really don't think anything as such is ever going to happen...

My nani, who's birthday happens to be today was so uptight and apprehensive about this whole trio of the number 12 falling on the same date.. but to her surprise  her birthday was celebrated in the bestest way ever..and so she is happy happy.. today happened to be the birthday of "krishh and saanvi " also .. one of my senior designer's twin kids.. who turned 2 today.. adorably cute ...

So the day ended on a normal note... cake.. celebrations etc .. much better then yesterday i must say.... its really beyond understanding that why people don't let you be at peace, when they see you peaceful? 

in my former posts i did mention about a friend who likes someone....and he is just not ready to accept this fact that, that person doesn't want to have a relation or fall in any sort of affair, because she had a break up and after a break up as i have mostly seen,, people either want to be in a relation ASAP or they just do not want to be in a relation at all .. and she believes the latter one i suppose, and i guess its pretty justified, when one of your relations do not work out , you obviously will  hesitate to fall in a second one and go through all of it all over again and end up getting hurt again.. its scary.. but my friend's behavior is certainly not proper, the whole " i-will-die-without-her" thingy.. i just don't feel its ok, if someone doesn't see you the way you see them, doesn't mean you'll just die..huh...

life is so unpredictable , simply anything happens at any damn moment, 2 days back while walking my way back home, on this highly crowded street of lower parel, just as i was trying to avoid myself from getting suffocated due to the pungent odor of the garbage heap, which remains stationed right in the middle of the road on one of the corners.. to my horror i saw a bike who brushed past a man, walking normally on the road and this fellow slipped and fell, and his cellphone flew up in the air and fell right into the big garbage heap..i was in a shock for a few seconds, that man just could have died.. 

so thats how things are these days, our brand is finally launching, the response also seems to be pretty decent, hope things go from good to better and from better to best!!! yayy :D hehehe i am pretty excited as this is the first time i am designing professionally for a brand.. fingers crossed, i wont be naming it so soon, hehehe will write about it soon when i have loads to  brag about :D ...

lastly i forgot..everyday when i check my profile here.. i see a viewer from texas,, its kind of fascinating who is it?? hello who ever it is hi!!! thanks for reading my blogs but i guess you can also follow it so it would get  easier to read i suppose hehe...

everything at once

lazy sunday as it really is... at home only whiling away time.. sometimes you need such lazy days off from work from the world from everything..  so while i was like dead bored.. scrolling up and down my face book page.. without anything fruitful,, thought why not scribble a bit.. despite of my "shock full laptop" i am managing somehow... crazy it is like me.. the surface of me laptop gives considerably good amount of electric shocks.. which is strong enough to get you out of a reverie ... lol  ..
Someone wise suggested me to listen to this song...: " everything at once" by lenka. OMG its so damn cool...not just the way how its sung, the music and all those things.. its meaning is like so profound... would like to pen down a few stanzas from that song..:

It just made me go back to my childhood, where we had the power to wish and become everything at once....absolutely nothing could stop us from thinking anything and everything at once...sometimes i am bewildered by the way and depth with which a human brain can think and imagine...there is so much beauty in the human brain, anything can be brought to life with just the way we imagine...

Had a long discussion with my best buddy....but don't know why things can't be the same as before...
i am clueless.. absolutely clueless...i think with time i only ill have to step out of this... because my friend has already made his choices.. which is pretty justified.. but ya what will always hurt me is.. that my explanations just wen absolutely unheard....

i really went through" everything at once" in this year 2012... sad.. happy, disappointing, success,, failure.. love, betrayal, venture and break ups...

slipping away...

Its really not a very happy feeling today... seems like i am loosing my best budddy slowly and steadily .... had no plans or mood of blogging today as nothing great had happened  except for the never ending madness at work about the showing dates.. messy and disorganized.. everywhere its the same therefore nothing new... but regarding my friend.. my heart is really aching on this... i am watching my friendship slowly dying, i dont know what to do or how to mend this, when i can see how my friend on their own want to move towards a path which i dont even want to look at... they claim that i am still the same for them but how is it possible??  i seriously am waiting for the day when i shall be relieved from all such grudges and harsh feelings for anyone... so many times i try to just get rid of all this but fail, really dont know how it will be ok.. just hope some day it is.....

sad but true... :)

Really, when there is a crack in the glass.. it may remain in a single piece but the crack always remains.. it can never be  mended.. similarly, a heart once broken can not be mended even if its bandaged like several times.. the wound still remains..a relation once tampered with.. always can be made better, quite good in fact, but it can never be the same...what can be done in such a situation? i guess cribbing and feeling bad inside at every moment.. doesn't help much, in fact doesn't help at all... we do feel bad at like many occasions .... things hurt us, we remember good times...still we have to accept facts..

every now and then i am ending up fighting with that friend of mine whom i considered like one of the closest and bestest... we fight ...give explanations.. and according to my friend.. my place is still the same(which i fail to believe anymore).. but i guess its time i let it go ....i think i am giving up today.... some relations are short lived only it seems..no matter how much my friend tries to convince me about my importance.. it seems impossible to believe it.. so in such a situation i think the best thing that can be done is ... to just let it go.... i had never imagined such a day would spring up.. but it did...and its good actually.. because life is all about such situations... at every small step .. we surely would be facing such things in life.

sometimes i just don't understand.. if i was so incompetent then .. why was i there at all??... those few words of my friend.. changed me completely..."u were not there when i needed you".. they still haunt me like anything...somewhere or the other i only am responsible i guess for whetever happened.. but my not being there when my friend needed a best buddy.. was also justified...but.. sadly justifications are always taken as excuses only...

would always wish the bestesttttttt for my friend.. and its entirely their choice with whom they want to be.. :) 

time really changes us...we ourselves don't realize how much we have changed.. how far ahead we have moved.. un till one day when someone we meet on the way..and they tell us to look at out watch and ask" what's the time?" its then that we realize that its too late. to go back.......

my friend will always remain in my heart in my good wishes and in all the prayers i shall pray...but i guess.. my heart got this jerk and with the jerk its doors have closed.. and i have somehow locked myself up... refusing to open up to anyone.. just anyone.. 

fruit salad

Everyday.. as i walk down the road on my way to office... thousands of thoughts keep flashing in my head, endlessly... billions of faces come  in front of my eyes..at that very moment i have this craving to pen all my thoughts down but helpless as i am, i can't do that( as i failed to register myself on mobile bloggr) and when i come back home all tired , dead, frustrated and utterly cheesed off..i just don't know what to write? whatever i post is mostly based on this thing called " life".. funny but that's what i noticed that many of my past posts's contain the word " life" even in their titles..But that's what we all revolve around, and that's what revolves around us always , at every minute and every moment..its life and only life all around, be it good , bad, happy or sad.. it is life and its entirely upon us how we take it... smile , crib, cry or be full of happiness.. it will keep moving with the speed of time.. it never seems to stop.

Today, while walking , as i usually keep reading the funny and amusing hoardings hung up high, for the whole word to notice them..saw one of these ironically funny one's.. it read" jyotish salaahey bilkul free !!! 30 din mey asar na honey par 100% money back" lol i mean, what were they thinking?? when you are giving free advises then what will you pay the person back that too 100%, if the mumbo jumbo thing doesn't work in 30 days.. funny.. such things are surely possible only in our country, where people trust "trust" more than "logic" i must say, the "law of attraction" which states that what you believe is what you attract, its all in your thoughts, is of a very high magnitude in our country, where people believe something like so sternly that it does come true.

Past few days have been very weird, don't know what is it that's frustrating and literally agitating me so much? its like so so much anger has been suppressed and now its getting impossible to hold it back any more. Have been fighting with people, fought last night with one of my good friends, the one who seems to be wishing for something which i don't think can never be possible, isin't it irritaing when you are like so sure about something and still people keep on arguing over it? its like why cant they understand such a simple point? we may be wrong but , one certain occasions i think things are like destined to go badly haywire, no matter how much it is tried to be kept in place.

Came back home fought with sis, fought with everyone, then its a state of void when you can't express or explain what you are going through and people just smile it off and its like the worst thing at that moment that anyone can do to you, seems like a dormant volcano inside you has suddenly become active...

well well.. things keep going this way only it seems.. oh i forgot to mention about my buddy Ankit.. he got placed.. wow in his dream company. he was like really crestfallen, due to this whole placement shit.. so i very wisely gave hima piece of my mind... lol after all i could as i was more experienced in this case dude hehehe... and he made it.. so happy for him..
its moms birthday on the 10th and i am like clueless about what to gift her... had thought of making her something by hand, as in some handwork, embroidery  or something but, my disorganized schedule is just not allowing me to  do it :(.. so i  guess i will be gifting her a new cellphone.. yippiee!! hehehe shhh... its a secret.. see ya till next time ... gn

adieu to my alma mater...

December 1st 2012.. the D day the convocation day of bath 2008-12, B.des., Bf.Tech.,MFM.,M.des...... 4 years back( as i was from the bachelors programm no offense ot the masters batch)... students from far and wide, came to one of the most prestigious fashion colleges in india and on globe.. with hopes soaring high, endless dreams, full of life, full of enthusiasm.... strange faces slowly became the buddies of life..within no time, we learned the lessons of our lives.. came across beautiful people who taught us as our teachers , some lessons which will never ever be forgotten and will always move with us as we will take each step in life ahead. 4 years back as young and naive people .. little did we know that life would be so soo different the day we will be passing out after finishing our studies.. 4 years seemed a lifetime .. we thought it was like never ending, whenever the assignments or the work pressure used to be like reaching the brim. But yesterday , it all ended.

Yes, we shall never go back to that place now to attend any lectures, or hang around aimlessly in the cafetaria, heartlessly sit in the library for hours, watch cricket match in the cafetaria with the security guards, loaf around on the canteen valas bicycle(lol).. make lame excuses fo rbeing late to class... fight with the bestest of our buddies without even knowing the reasons, running to farthest parts of the world for sourcing , madly running around for printouts just a few hours before the jury, last mintue pinning and stapelling of garments which need to go on the ramp in like 5 secs, dancing like drunkards and doing funny shaadi kinda dances on nights like : spectrum and dandiya....

There have been biter sweet memoreis of college, but time just flew... and here we are... out in this big bad world now.... this place taught us the biggest and smallest of the lessons of life, which will definitely be very important in every decisons and endeavour in life that we shall take... this last day was a day of reunions.. and also some misunderstandings.. which may never be sorted out.. but then as it is said.. time is the best healer..

in the end would love to thank my college.. for whetever it gave me... the pride of being called a "Graduate" specially.. met lovely people here  perfect teachers.. awaseome juniors... brilliant seniors and some of the bestest buddies for lifetime...

time to say goodbye.. but when we are together by heart.. there are no goodbyes... 

Met my classmates, batchmates, teachers, even the guards and other helpers... and the best part was that i re united with some of those people with whom i was in a very strong bond at a point of time.. and due to some misunderstandings those bonds had faltered but not broken, that's what i realized when i hugged those people yesterday, never wanted to end this beautiful phase of my college life on any sort of "grudge notes".... but ya there was a little disappointment as well.. on the part of some people who had been like very close to me.. and just due to some misunderstandings.. they were so ready to give up this beautiful thing called" friendship"...without even trying to clear things .. guess they wanted such an occasion .. where they could just slip out silently.. i guess that person was the only one whom i didn't hug, as i was openly ignored when i took an initiative ...well may be they never wanted only to bbe in that sweet memory list of mine...but no love lost.. its all good and one  thing i have learned now so far is that instead of cribbing about the past.. we should just flow with the future and present current... life is beautiful and i guess a little too short to hold grudges.. hope i too am able to forgive and also forget that friend of mine... for whatever happened.. and rememeber only the good times spent with them.. :)

mundane life...

well well well.... after a whole lot of time i am back again with a piece of my life... actually my net wasn't working thanks to Ankit (one of my very good friends with whom i studied in school till class 5 and then we met this year like after almost 13 yrs......!!!!!! gosh! that's a pretty long time i must say but then as he too is studying in Mumbai itself so we are like back as school buddies again) its working again yippie!!

All these days a lot of things happened, after grandma left for her heavenly abode... life has changed, yes a lot, and now it will always be the same, but as time passes we all have to learn to adapt ourselves to the changes, even if we don't wish to..life sometimes doesn't give us choices.

Well i am really not very interested to work my fingers upon the keyboard, text my mind .. use apt words and then end up writing about office and work, therefore a big NO NO, as in a nutshell, things at work are never in place only, and despite of trying like so hard to sneak peak and do blogging. i couldnt manage to :(.. as i was too busy...

but i am happy as i am able to write again. feels good, as my heart has this lock which has lost its key and despite of many tries i am unable to speak out so many things which i used to earlier..therefore writing my feelings and thoughts down, becomes even more imperative..
From past sometime, have been fighting and there has been so  much misunderstanding between some of my closest friend and me... and happened even with one of my bestest friends.. it was a bit shocking how, that friend whom i had always considered like so close, and never had any intentions to hurt or make him feel bad.. chose someone else's friendship over me.. but then as things happened, got messy and nastier by days.. i realized that its really useless to expect so much, i had changed myself completely towards any such expectations but then again some day or the other it kept coming up .. but as i know myself.. m definitely a "hard way" learner.. :) i won't ever blame or curse my friend. i know he never thought bad of me or any such thing but ya, may be with time when such things happen repeatedly ... we tend to move a little away from even the closest of our people..its not his fault.. but what to do...things are sometime involuntary ..

And most of the time its definitely a bad phase and tons of misunderstandings that make you think all wrong only, but that's also not the"only" case.. its all a part and parcel of the same thing, and as it is said.. learn to take life as it comes..

In all this hunting and chasing..i happened to grab hold of a book, absolutely not my genre, and probably the thickest i have ever read... the book called
" KRISHNA KEY" by ashwin sanghi.. as i have some sort of inclination and fascination towards lord krishna. i just bout it , and for the first time in 23 years, read a historic fiction, as i am not a book worm or a voracious reader...but as i keep picking up any random genres and just start off.. its not that bad.. .. these days i am reading " the last lecture" by randy pauch, a book written by a dying man who wants to give a lesson , say those last few things and share his feelings, tell stories, crack anecdotes and say those last few things to his loved ones and even to the world, the concept on the whole seemed very intriguing to me but i dont knw the book isisnt seeming that interesting as such, though have just started,, hehehe too soon to judge.

apart from that, watched this movie called" the life of pi".. i was like spell bound, the whole concept was so thrilling, beautiful imagination, wonder when a  human can be that creative..that how creative GOD must be....also watched the last part of the twilight saga..breaking dawn 2...sadly the saga ends with this part, wished it continued.. :( but then what begins has to end... phew!!! feels relieved.. today . after venting out such small yet important segments of my day to day life :)...

a playground called "LIFE"

One of those moments..when things at your personal as well as professional ends are absolutely haywire..friction everywhere...
why are we always standing at such a crossroad every second day.. where you have to just gulp a lump ..down your throat and show the bestest of your smiles?

certain times things cant even be shared with family , friends , acquaintances or anyone at all.. seems like one will shatter in fact we do shatter but then again you have to get your own duster and a broom and gather your shattered self..
Every soul is literally hunting for "love"...which doesn't even seem to exist...then why are these souls running behind something so virtual so superficial...something extinct...a friend of mine.. who recently became a good friend id say, seems to be in love...with someone who doesn't even believe in this word... despite of my regular and copious trials ..it all seems to be going in vain, how do i make him understand that all this is just a matter of a few moments a few things that might have clicked you by may be talking to someone regularly or something..?
Sometimes i feel really sad.. as it is the very first time that he seems to have fallen in such a feeling and he too feels that its an eternal and never ending feeling.. little does he know that its all a very dull feeling..which never works out....the next moment i also get that feel that .. i am discouraging someone who might be lucky in this gamble of the love thingy... but as i know the person he likes is just opposite to what he is...as in... their natures , views, thoughts, likes dislikes everything is way apart... 

In my own life going off track, sometimes i feel how do i help the ones close to me get on track?the helpless feeling of not being able to do anything about your loved one's issues.. really churns your heart bad...

There is surely something drastic about this year.. the prediction of 2012... don't know f it literally meant that things will end the earth the living beings or the mankind.. but ya on the emotional front... it really did kill a lot of things inside..i really do not know what this year end will bring forth.. but this year will surely be one of the most memorable years in my life.. one by one .. things kept slipping away...and all i could do was just watch... with plain eyes and an expressionless face... all i wish for now.. is that this year ends on a happy note.( which seems to be quite rarely possible)..tonight i want to make a profound prayer for all the loved ones of mine.. close to me in any respect.. attached to me by any means .. with or not with me physically..
as i know.. i can only be happy when these people will be like very happy and in deep solace..all our happiness is intertwined and interlinked...and i am sure.. god almighty will surely make things much much better and bearable for all of us.....

was listening to one of my favorite songs .. by the maestro : A.R. Rehman..(shauk hai~ movie GURU)

a line from this song always resounds in my head...

"kaash ye zindagi... khel hi khel mey kho gayi hoti..."

 and makes me wonder .. what if it was true.. and life could actually be a fun filled play ground..a courtyard where we all used to play as kids and the rules of the game could change as per our convenience... when the youngest of our siblings would get upset after they got caught and were upset about it.. the elder one would step in and ignore it completely and give them another chance...just for a small smile on their face...

the ultimate truth of life

The sand slowly slipped from the hourglass ....and my AMMA...left for her heavenly abode on 7th october 2012,.. cant explain or express the hapless feeling i am going through, the last time i met her was in the month of January .. she bid me a hearty goodbye and a good luck too as i was about to go for my final year exams in college.. little did i know that it was the last time i was seeing her... wished i could tick the clock backwards or i had the dexterousness of some big scientist to build up my own time machine and go back in time, i know it was impossible to stop her from leaving for her eternal journey but all i wanted was to bid her a proper and loving goodbye.

i never imagined i would see her that way all wrapped up in a white sheet. pale and ice cold, with no sign of life.. seemed like she was just having  a nap.. the only thing missing was the way in which she used to exhale her breath while sleeping that made a funny sound, the way she snored.... all that was missing was "one breath of life"...

With my grandma's departure, i suddenly understood this thing called" the ultimate truth of life"... which is death.. we love each other, we fight for each other , we kill each other we do so many things. but in the end.. what remains is.. just melancholy , emptiness and old memories in our subconscious and conscious mind.

Jainism states.. that our jeeva or the soul takes birth in "3 pals" or within 3 moments after the soul leaves the body..its all so well calculated and planned. which means she too must have had a rebirth by now.. in fact way before.. all i wish for now is, immense peace, satisfaction ,solace and happiness for her, wherever she has started her new life cycle, may the lord be with her and provide her all the necessary requirements and may she fulfill her karmas gratefully ..

JAI JINENDRA.

just a "PEACE" of mind

A mundane day breaks..the earth wrapped in a chiffon layer of sunlight...

people wake up, with a lot of new things in mind, what has to be done for the day, all plans, all the dads surely must be thinking about the presentation they have to make in the office while a housewife mom must be worried about what she has to cook for breakfast and hopefully she makes it fast, and her husband and kids don't get late for school.

in all this hustle bustle, as the day begins... at some point of the day, even while working, when your are absolutely tied up... some things.. some memories, some people in the past, some incidents, some recited words or dialogues, do linger in the back of your head, and the sometimes seem to haunt you. Just when you feel that you have started living life with a new hope or aim, life stops you and makes you turn back and see... that the past.. no matter how much you wish to forget or come out of.. does haunt and follow you, curse you and blame you always.

Life is a series of uncertain events, do we ever realize ... how many times we just miss out death in a normal day to work? does that thought ever run down our brain, that may be... while crossing the road today, when we just missed that car and took a deep breath and felt that adventurous escape, we actually could have died there and then. Even when everyone is aware of all the short time span for which we all are together in this world, all we do is "FIGHT" and hold grudges.... experienced a very shocking display of emotions today at work, people were howling and pouncing at each other like beasts, though  its all a part of the experience... but why cant we just wait for a minute and think....did we really make today a memorable one?? for ourselves and for others too?? a memory that would always bring a smile on their faces.. a memory that would give them a positive vibe.. a boost of happiness..

As far as i can see( as much as my contact lenses allow me to)... sometimes there's "ALL LOVE NO WAR" and the very next moment, each and every corner converts into a battleship, be it work, the local trains, the general store guy, Bai at home, your own roomates, the roomates of your roomates, your friend's, freind's friend's, there friends, acquaintance .. everyone seems to be just looking for one chance to SHOOT the other person. Where is the humanity? Love i personally don't understand so id better cal it humanity, kindness, and compassion for others.


Hope to see a positive day tomorrow and a brighter side of life too.. :)

puzzled..

sometimes..life really makes you feel like a piece of puzzle.. that is wrongly packed in a wrong game box... theres no place for it to fit in...no requirement.. away from its slot..far away..today..am very hurt..and not because of an enemy.. not because of an acquaintance.. but because of one of the closest people in life... i guess..all the people who come so close to us.. definitely come so close to hurt us so much and teach us a never forgetting lesson...funny... but true.. a friend who had always been soo close always there...actually went away from me today..something just died inside... i know things will never be the same..but then..i dont knw its a confusing state...whom to blame ..its actually my own nature may be ..i guess somethings are just supposed to be left to time.....

office office

Its September 1st, and its our boss's birthday today, at office,(its my 3rd month of work..just started working :)) everyone is busy preparing for it... ohh i havnt mentioned much about people at office and all the new friends i made recently.
The day i joined, it didnt seem that cool as such i mean it was a very mixed feeling , i am sure most of us feel the same when its like our very 1st job. Just out of college , my friend namrata and i joined this company together actually in better words, we got placed together .. when i entered office , saw this bright blue color with a cool gray combination everywhere.. the best part was when i got my own desk wow.. a good feeling :D hehehe.. my own pc, and bla bla bla , well how my office is i shall go on with that now.. i work in a garment industry, as a designer .. people are absolutely chilled out here.. but whats worth watching in office is,... the second half..:D after lunch eveyrone seems to just go in a different state of mind, theres madness everywhere, running for approvals, there's a huge tugg of war, and on one side.. funny songs from the old rapchik hindi movies keep playing its really a sight :P....and all this madness is followed by a funny local train journey back home, gosh the way women fight and panic is like unbelievable ...threats, warnings, screams, scratching, pinching yelling... you cant even think of anything else.. but ya it really makes you realize that you are alive, because you wish and pray for just a small breath of fresh air, as you are stuffed and jam packed , in that small train compartment, as if Hitler has repeated history and its again the black hole tragedy. 

once i escape from this railway jungle, its time for the "BEST BUSES" what an ironic name they have been given, BEST... god knows from which angle :P... the biggest problem i face is.. that the numbers of the buses are written in the hindi counting, and it s soo damn confusing, everyday i end up running behind an anonymous bus and ask the conductor or the driver if that bus would go to my destination?...pheww.... that's  
how a mundane day is in my life... instead of working right now i am blogging here :P... hehehe

amma...

time has its own ways to get things done, every year around the month of july-august only i suddenly get enlightened to pen down my emotions :) funny thing...

a lot has happened in all these days, many people went many people came, many are there only where they always were, many are just there superficially. college is over now, work has started, things are growing, time is running out, and there is soo much to do stilll..

in all this madness and rage, my life has still been going at its normal smooth course, thanks to all the good people in my life and around me, college did end on a bit bitter note but then as they say, "sabra ka phal meetha hota hai!! " so i guess i can wait for all the fruits and then in the end i can nicely make a fruit salad and hog on it :D.....

I guess that was too much of unnecessary introduction, let me come to the point now, today this post will be dedicated to one of my oldest in fact, not one of my
my grandmother.....

 but THE OLDEST friend of mine...

"अम्मा ""

life is strange... when we are born the only person we know is our mother only, the very 1st one we see in this world, then slowly we meet other relatives , family members, siblings, school starts, we make friends and this list of knowing people goes on and on and on.....

i too started this way, but in all this i also had a very close buddy, that was amma, a small fair figure, wrapped in a cotton kota saree, reddish brown hair as she puts that weird colored dye, a meek physique, solitaires sparkling in the ears with her spex on,, she sits in the winter sun and reads news paper...
her life lies in 3 things.... her transistor, classical indian music and peanuts... amma i still remmeber how on those  chilled winter nights, we used to put that "angeethi"(coal furnace) and you used to set the peanuts on its brim to make them warm and crispy, those shivering mornings, when you used to tell me to wipe myself properly after bath else i would catch cold and i used to get my tiffin ready right before time for school ......

on odd days you used to make semolina kheer, for sis and myself....the best cook :), the best teacher, who taught me maths which i hated like anything, showed me the world with your eyes, when i had almost hidden myself away from geography, took me back in history and taught me stories of the brave jhaansi ki rani, yeah thats what you used to call me whenever i used to fall down and start crying,always worried you used to be about my future " you still haven't donr your home work? your summer vacations are ending soon?" thats what your dialogues always used to be, which in turn made me give you dirty cold looks.

How will i ever forget those evenings, when i used to comb your hair and make two plats out of it and we both used to share a hearty laugh, your getting irritated when i used to pick up things from your study table and never keep them back , those fixed hindi daily soaps that you used to watch by almost sitting inside the television :)...moments when you used to oil my hair and curse me for having such dry hair and never oiling them timely, those afternoons when you used to sleep off while reading a book or the newspaper with your spex on and them leave them somewhere, and kept looking for them for days....

those trips to holy pilgrims we traveled together, those days of poojas in the temple, when you used to have a big proud smile on your face after seeing me attending it cause otherwise i always used to get your taunt" the whole society comes to the temple except for our house " .

those hot sunny days, when we both sat in the rickshaw and went slowly chit chatting , to your tailor or some bank work, and i know you hated me for making you bankrupt on the way, for reminding you to buy unnecessary things ahahaha.....all the lovely cosy nights we all spent together sitting in the quilt playing cards and ludo....

i know i left my best friend mid way.... slowly and suddenly.... ill never be able to forgive myself for abandoning you.... lonely and all on your own....as i grew... my heart shrank smaller and smaller... that love for you never died but ya.. priorities changed... school then college i still remember that day when i was leaving for college, you did cry :( and so did i...after babaji(grandpa) left... i promised myself that ill never let you be alone.. i did keep it but ya after sometime i did break it too....

i know you wont be with me for long, but i wish....i get another chance , just to make you feel special and cherish all those moments again with you..... please don't leave so soon..... :(

...time to let go

don not feel like writing anything these days, there are surely some cosmic and past life connections with some people in your life, i can bet and vouch and swear upon it really.. its been happening since childhood, some one or the other for sure comes across , and that person just takes away everything you ever wished and yearned for.... guess its just destiny, but its really disappointing, but then, its practically in nobody's hands to fidget with it, my mom says, its the best to accept things the way they are and go with the flow, when you know , nothing can be done about it.... i know mum its a very piece of advice but its not that easy...

life's a beautiful puzzle game, with the significance of each and every block,some of them we already find in the game box, while rest we have to hunt for..

i guess... its time to let it go :)... hope i am strong enough to do it..

0 comments..

certain things can actually be termed as"0 comments" they are either too good to be commented upon or too upsetting .. well i have been facing such kinda of situations lately, the '0 comment' situations,though my dussehra was nice, with a funny ravan in the society, and yummy food, gosh we though we would be spotted as some trespassers :P who are just there greedy foody people, but naah we too had invitation hehehe...

it was a full on festive season, ganpati followed by durga pooja,... lights, colors, new clothes, sweets, families, gatherings, music( be it apt or not) fun and frolic everywhere, but there was always a contrast, recently with a very close friend of mine something very unpleasant happened just before Dussehra, her father expired.. i mean, its again a''0 comment'' situation... its like, should one be happy about the fest or sad about the loss??....

these '0 comment' situations sometimes really put you in a very tight spot, just now like, half and hour back, a very dear friend of mine preeti, whom i have mentioned in my earlier posts as well, asked me to come along with her for a short trip to mahabaleshwar, me, despite of wanting to go so badly, still stayed back... reason , some hidden old hesitations and lost old painful memories, which no matte rhow much you try, never seem to get normal..

lastly, this BIG FAT LIZARD, whom i happened to spot just now while talking to my roomi about ghosts and supernatural powers, something i just love to discuss, :p... goshh... i just hope this thing goes away sooonnnnnn....

dhinchak dandiya

finalyyy... dont know after how many days i am writing today was DANDIYA NIGHT!! at college, wahaaoo... well its not so wow also as exciting as its name seems :P..we started practicing in between of our exam jury only, have many gujju girls..in my class, they danced so beautifully, plus i just looovee to dance, be it any form :).. would love to go for this proper professional one some day :) as for now let me tell how it happens in our college :D for better explanation:

• there"s a useless DJ, who tried to be really cool ... but its actually on the contrary .
• this time we all got ready on time but the best part was.. the rains wow.. all of a sudden from nowhere it rained.. everyone thought it was a flop show but naah.. it did happen with full mastii!!..
• A whole lot of people, some over dressed, some under dressed, some least bothered .
• those carefree and care full people at the same time are absolutely '' clueless'' about what's dandiya or even garba ... gosh... what madness happens. people are trying to figure out somehow how do 1 move that 1 step.. but as always after 5 mins... they are back to there ''baraati dance''... ''dhinchak''...
• but it was fun... after sulking for more than a week now, i was really happy for a change,dressed up with full zeal and excitement... love to dress up when i am in a mood, else usually i am just-out-of-bed types :p.
• my roomi , who happens to be from ahmedabad, she taught me garba ... waaahhoooo i just loved it.. always wanted to do that dance in those big huge circles how they show on tv, though never got a chance, but i did learn and it is so soo nice, overwhelms you completely :)
• aha forgot, something was seriously wrong with me today, i was on this fast, but as always i was dancing like a drunkard ..now my legs are completely out of order...
• yeah.. the day was nice... ended on a happy note.. would be even happier if i get a good night sleep.. which i surely will get as i am D-E-A-D tired..

who will cry when you die?

well i am not talking about the book... just another thought, something i guess i'll have to

share it out on this blog window only, as i am not very good with verbal expres

sion, i

can counsel people,

but i can't express myself, its easier to pen it down, something that's happening continuously, since always, there's this question i have...

what fun do people get in , imitating someone and then acting that they didn't even notice?? behaving as if they always were this way when they themselves know it well that they never were so?..you meet someone, like something about it, yeah its no big deal if you pick it up.. but why the hell do you have to show it out as if it is your own original idea? WHY IS IT SO TOUGH TO COMPLIMENT OR GIVE SOME ONE THAT DESERVED CREDIT?

its not a big issues, if you are criticized for something you are not good at or you made a mistake in it... but it really kills you when you are pin pointed on something you are soo good at....its so unbelievable........ when your time is good, you find happiness in everything you do, in fact, in good times, even if u are upset with something, whatever you do really works out!!.. its so freaking true!!!... may be sounding doltish but it is my personal experience...and when your times are dark, whatever you do what ever you say is just misinterpreted , or goes unheard... personal experience again.. :)

i believe in stars, i believe in planets, i believe in good times and so do i in bad times.... people may say ''its crap, superstition etc etc''... but when it happens its impact is felt... generally, people are very good with giving lectures, that, why don't you do this that etc?... its really impossible for the likes of them to understand that its really painful, when all your trials fail, for no reason....it smothers you deeply, when everything you touch becomes obsolete... luck is not everything but it is ''something''....

whenever we are with some one whenever they are sad, and need a shoulder to rely upon cry upon.... we are remembered.... but whenever times are gay, we are forgotten, people move on.... happily :) don't even turn back, even to check if they have taken their bag or not.... once they walk they just walk...blindly.

a broken mirror is never remembered for all the beauty it once reflected, another question"".... aren't we actually forgetting our own beauty by forgetting that mirror?''

i used to feel.. that ya.. people are selfish let them be, its their wish,mostly its said..ya i became selfish as the situations were such, i do believe in it but to some extent..when some one becomes selfish due to circumstances it isin't a permanent change, deep down inside they are good which they were before, but people who were born selfish never change... but its painful to see, that such people only prosper these days.... even god is on their side..... so it means.. if you aren't selfish you do not deserve to be here?? has god made this earth only for those people????

then i guess.... it is a big question ".... who will cry when you die?'' look inside and evaluate yourself.... if you are selfish if you are self centered... you will have a good funeral :) otherwise... keep wondering....''who will cry when you die??''

god is.. one of us..

after throwing out buckets full of stagnant water, from my cornea and nasal cavities , got back to my same old facebook profile page, just when i noticed one of my friend's status, reading out a few lines from one of my favorite songs .... ''what if god was one of us?? just a slob like one of us... just a stranger on the bus, trying to make his way home... back up to heaven all alone...''

whenever i listen to this song, it really takes me in a reverie, i start flying in my own world of whims and fancies, where there is God, my closest friend... whom i always forget, so i have decided to take this time out, to apologize to him, though he is never angry with anybody, as said by my wise mom, but, everyone needs love, appreciation, care, concern so does he. he does have a name,he does have a face,god is one of us, he too is a stranger on the bus, a slob like us , a loner sometimes, who is approached by myriad , but loved by a handful .... he needs phone calls, he needs emails( bruce almighty) :P....he is just like us, who loves to love and loves to be loved, he gets jealous, he is demanding, he is even a psycho sometimes, he is beautiful , he may be a she also :D he is his own biggest magic :)...

he's a child

he's a mother

he's a boyfriend

he's a brother

he's a stranger

he's a friend

his presence may fade for sometime, but he is the only companion , who was and will always be there till the end...

why is god always shown as an old wise man with a big white beard?

its a small realization, that keeps coming back to me , and then again fades back in the mist, the realization which i am still not able to accept, people say, think about yourself, let the rest go to hell... but.. god never asked us to do this ever.. did he? today, while walking on the empty streets around 11 in the night, i realized i was alone, physically, as well as mentally, where was my mind? it was still hunting for a companion, its easy to tell your physical being to adapt yourself to a situation, but to tell your intellectual being, it isin't very easy.

god, you always walk with us, behind us or may be ahead of us, where ever you walk, your main motto is ''just to be with us'' and become our holy guide. i know its pretty doltish, to keep looking for a skeleton covered with skin, always around you, but we all are lunatics, as this realization requires very high intellect, our secret pact , our treaties, our gossips, our confessions... where are they??? i promise i will find them back... very soon, :)....

yeah yeah god is great, yeah yeah god is good, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah....