a playground called "LIFE"

One of those moments..when things at your personal as well as professional ends are absolutely haywire..friction everywhere...
why are we always standing at such a crossroad every second day.. where you have to just gulp a lump ..down your throat and show the bestest of your smiles?

certain times things cant even be shared with family , friends , acquaintances or anyone at all.. seems like one will shatter in fact we do shatter but then again you have to get your own duster and a broom and gather your shattered self..
Every soul is literally hunting for "love"...which doesn't even seem to exist...then why are these souls running behind something so virtual so superficial...something extinct...a friend of mine.. who recently became a good friend id say, seems to be in love...with someone who doesn't even believe in this word... despite of my regular and copious trials ..it all seems to be going in vain, how do i make him understand that all this is just a matter of a few moments a few things that might have clicked you by may be talking to someone regularly or something..?
Sometimes i feel really sad.. as it is the very first time that he seems to have fallen in such a feeling and he too feels that its an eternal and never ending feeling.. little does he know that its all a very dull feeling..which never works out....the next moment i also get that feel that .. i am discouraging someone who might be lucky in this gamble of the love thingy... but as i know the person he likes is just opposite to what he is...as in... their natures , views, thoughts, likes dislikes everything is way apart... 

In my own life going off track, sometimes i feel how do i help the ones close to me get on track?the helpless feeling of not being able to do anything about your loved one's issues.. really churns your heart bad...

There is surely something drastic about this year.. the prediction of 2012... don't know f it literally meant that things will end the earth the living beings or the mankind.. but ya on the emotional front... it really did kill a lot of things inside..i really do not know what this year end will bring forth.. but this year will surely be one of the most memorable years in my life.. one by one .. things kept slipping away...and all i could do was just watch... with plain eyes and an expressionless face... all i wish for now.. is that this year ends on a happy note.( which seems to be quite rarely possible)..tonight i want to make a profound prayer for all the loved ones of mine.. close to me in any respect.. attached to me by any means .. with or not with me physically..
as i know.. i can only be happy when these people will be like very happy and in deep solace..all our happiness is intertwined and interlinked...and i am sure.. god almighty will surely make things much much better and bearable for all of us.....

was listening to one of my favorite songs .. by the maestro : A.R. Rehman..(shauk hai~ movie GURU)

a line from this song always resounds in my head...

"kaash ye zindagi... khel hi khel mey kho gayi hoti..."

 and makes me wonder .. what if it was true.. and life could actually be a fun filled play ground..a courtyard where we all used to play as kids and the rules of the game could change as per our convenience... when the youngest of our siblings would get upset after they got caught and were upset about it.. the elder one would step in and ignore it completely and give them another chance...just for a small smile on their face...

amma...

time has its own ways to get things done, every year around the month of july-august only i suddenly get enlightened to pen down my emotions :) funny thing...

a lot has happened in all these days, many people went many people came, many are there only where they always were, many are just there superficially. college is over now, work has started, things are growing, time is running out, and there is soo much to do stilll..

in all this madness and rage, my life has still been going at its normal smooth course, thanks to all the good people in my life and around me, college did end on a bit bitter note but then as they say, "sabra ka phal meetha hota hai!! " so i guess i can wait for all the fruits and then in the end i can nicely make a fruit salad and hog on it :D.....

I guess that was too much of unnecessary introduction, let me come to the point now, today this post will be dedicated to one of my oldest in fact, not one of my
my grandmother.....

 but THE OLDEST friend of mine...

"अम्मा ""

life is strange... when we are born the only person we know is our mother only, the very 1st one we see in this world, then slowly we meet other relatives , family members, siblings, school starts, we make friends and this list of knowing people goes on and on and on.....

i too started this way, but in all this i also had a very close buddy, that was amma, a small fair figure, wrapped in a cotton kota saree, reddish brown hair as she puts that weird colored dye, a meek physique, solitaires sparkling in the ears with her spex on,, she sits in the winter sun and reads news paper...
her life lies in 3 things.... her transistor, classical indian music and peanuts... amma i still remmeber how on those  chilled winter nights, we used to put that "angeethi"(coal furnace) and you used to set the peanuts on its brim to make them warm and crispy, those shivering mornings, when you used to tell me to wipe myself properly after bath else i would catch cold and i used to get my tiffin ready right before time for school ......

on odd days you used to make semolina kheer, for sis and myself....the best cook :), the best teacher, who taught me maths which i hated like anything, showed me the world with your eyes, when i had almost hidden myself away from geography, took me back in history and taught me stories of the brave jhaansi ki rani, yeah thats what you used to call me whenever i used to fall down and start crying,always worried you used to be about my future " you still haven't donr your home work? your summer vacations are ending soon?" thats what your dialogues always used to be, which in turn made me give you dirty cold looks.

How will i ever forget those evenings, when i used to comb your hair and make two plats out of it and we both used to share a hearty laugh, your getting irritated when i used to pick up things from your study table and never keep them back , those fixed hindi daily soaps that you used to watch by almost sitting inside the television :)...moments when you used to oil my hair and curse me for having such dry hair and never oiling them timely, those afternoons when you used to sleep off while reading a book or the newspaper with your spex on and them leave them somewhere, and kept looking for them for days....

those trips to holy pilgrims we traveled together, those days of poojas in the temple, when you used to have a big proud smile on your face after seeing me attending it cause otherwise i always used to get your taunt" the whole society comes to the temple except for our house " .

those hot sunny days, when we both sat in the rickshaw and went slowly chit chatting , to your tailor or some bank work, and i know you hated me for making you bankrupt on the way, for reminding you to buy unnecessary things ahahaha.....all the lovely cosy nights we all spent together sitting in the quilt playing cards and ludo....

i know i left my best friend mid way.... slowly and suddenly.... ill never be able to forgive myself for abandoning you.... lonely and all on your own....as i grew... my heart shrank smaller and smaller... that love for you never died but ya.. priorities changed... school then college i still remember that day when i was leaving for college, you did cry :( and so did i...after babaji(grandpa) left... i promised myself that ill never let you be alone.. i did keep it but ya after sometime i did break it too....

i know you wont be with me for long, but i wish....i get another chance , just to make you feel special and cherish all those moments again with you..... please don't leave so soon..... :(

a pair of shoes...

• 
  

3rd september.... morning 10:30 am

Naina: ''Ramya wake up its 10:30..''

she opened her eyes at once, as if a scene from some movie was being shot, and Ramya had to open her eyes as Naina finished delivering her dialogue..

unlike her daily routine.. Ramya woke up, got ready, fought with the lift door of her society, which always gave her a tough time. Grabbed a quick breakfast from subway , caught a cab and left for lower parel, on the way she picked up , one of her friends, dhaanya.

Both of them studied in the same college, they had to go to lower parel , to meet a photographer, regarding their, styling shoot, as both of them were fashion students.

''its raining cats and dogs.. gosh.. i forgot to carry my umbrella", said Dhaanya.

''that's alright, anyways, we just have to meet him and come back, we don't have to roam or do any shopping.. in fact, we shouldn't , at least not me''.

That fear, that disappointment, that despair, had never left Ramya, since that day, when her father, left her mother and little Ramya just 4 months old, since then, her mother, Sunaina, could somehow, fulfill her only child's school dues and , with the help of her ancestral jwelry, she managed to get a MUTHOOTH finance loan, and that's how she managed to send her daughter to college.

It was pouring madly, on the town side streets of Mumbai. A very common sight in the monsoons. Both of them, alighted the cab, paid him off, and started moving toward the , old , dilapidated building, which read "MADAN MOHAN TOWERS''.

" godd.. don't tell me, this guy has his office here, in this ''kabootarkhana''.. he seems to be a well off person, at least , good enough to have a proper office" Dhaanya shrugged.

''Never judge a book by its cover '',... Ramya smiled.

The seven storied building , had a lift, which seemed to tell its age old tragic story, its door seemed to be in such a bad condition, that it would pin out of the walls, with a slight extra jerk. The sad condition of the lift, made the two damsels, take the stairs, they panted and reached the office, which was stationed on the 5th floor.

To their surprise, the door of the office,seemed to tell a much happy story than the lift, holding a name plate of '' JAMAL GUJRAL'' , they entered the stain glassed door.

The office was like a new born child , as compared to its mother, an elderly woman, who lost all its charm due to aging( probably it did'nt use OLAY age defying cream ).

"Excuse me, we would like to meet Mr. Gujral, we have an appointment".. inquired Ramya.

" I am very sorry ma'am , but Mr. Gujral is out , for a week, he left, for New York, early morning, on some urgent business calls''.

Both , Ramya and Dhaanya, gave disgusting, at the same time, disappointing looks to each other. With no other option left, both of them took a leave.

It didn't seem to stop raining at all, they decided to have a cup of tea at the nearby stall.

'' Hey, look at those bangles, ohh!! i so wanted to buy them since the farewell party, i had seen that, Monishka , wear them, hey please, lets go and have a look. P-L-E-A-S-EEEE"?? begged Dhaanya.

Ramya, always kept herself from falling a prey to the whole "shopping mania".. because she knew, how hard it was for her mother to manage even her daily expenses. But obviously, deep down inside, she always longed for so many things which she never got, one of them was, " a pair of shoes".. in her favorite color, green. A wish, a hope, which was so petty, when it came to the rest of the world, but in her own world, it was a dream come true.

Dhaanya, went from one shop to the other, then the next and so on and so forth. She shopped till she ran out of cash.

The day was breaking, with its regular speed and pace, the two girls, got mixed up in the whole bunch of shopaholics, it was late evening by now.

'' Wow, it was great only na? that silly photographer left, else we could have never gone for shopping".. Dhaanya said happily.

on the other side, sat, Ramya, with a sullen and pale face, peeping out of the window, with no comments or excitement.

"hey, why have you made that face now''? your new shoes are so pretty, aren't you happy? asked Dhaanya

"I can use those shoes''.. replied Ramya.

''Why ''? asked Dhaanya

''the money, from which i brought these shoes...''

''Ya what's with the money now''? Dhaanya asked, a little irritated now.

''My mom , got it after donating blood in the blood bank''....

it was that guilt, that lingered and their was only silence. On one side, was a girl , who never even bothered about the price, or the money, from where it came, and on one side was Ramya, a victim of circumstances, that money, was so precious, not because she was a needy person, but because, it was her mother's blood, buying just '' a pair of shoes'' can be such a big task?, such a big mistake?.. these questions, always lingered in the back of, Ramya's head... and those shoes.. never came out of the shoe box... just a pair of shoes..