slipping away...

Its really not a very happy feeling today... seems like i am loosing my best budddy slowly and steadily .... had no plans or mood of blogging today as nothing great had happened  except for the never ending madness at work about the showing dates.. messy and disorganized.. everywhere its the same therefore nothing new... but regarding my friend.. my heart is really aching on this... i am watching my friendship slowly dying, i dont know what to do or how to mend this, when i can see how my friend on their own want to move towards a path which i dont even want to look at... they claim that i am still the same for them but how is it possible??  i seriously am waiting for the day when i shall be relieved from all such grudges and harsh feelings for anyone... so many times i try to just get rid of all this but fail, really dont know how it will be ok.. just hope some day it is.....

sad but true... :)

Really, when there is a crack in the glass.. it may remain in a single piece but the crack always remains.. it can never be  mended.. similarly, a heart once broken can not be mended even if its bandaged like several times.. the wound still remains..a relation once tampered with.. always can be made better, quite good in fact, but it can never be the same...what can be done in such a situation? i guess cribbing and feeling bad inside at every moment.. doesn't help much, in fact doesn't help at all... we do feel bad at like many occasions .... things hurt us, we remember good times...still we have to accept facts..

every now and then i am ending up fighting with that friend of mine whom i considered like one of the closest and bestest... we fight ...give explanations.. and according to my friend.. my place is still the same(which i fail to believe anymore).. but i guess its time i let it go ....i think i am giving up today.... some relations are short lived only it seems..no matter how much my friend tries to convince me about my importance.. it seems impossible to believe it.. so in such a situation i think the best thing that can be done is ... to just let it go.... i had never imagined such a day would spring up.. but it did...and its good actually.. because life is all about such situations... at every small step .. we surely would be facing such things in life.

sometimes i just don't understand.. if i was so incompetent then .. why was i there at all??... those few words of my friend.. changed me completely..."u were not there when i needed you".. they still haunt me like anything...somewhere or the other i only am responsible i guess for whetever happened.. but my not being there when my friend needed a best buddy.. was also justified...but.. sadly justifications are always taken as excuses only...

would always wish the bestesttttttt for my friend.. and its entirely their choice with whom they want to be.. :) 

time really changes us...we ourselves don't realize how much we have changed.. how far ahead we have moved.. un till one day when someone we meet on the way..and they tell us to look at out watch and ask" what's the time?" its then that we realize that its too late. to go back.......

my friend will always remain in my heart in my good wishes and in all the prayers i shall pray...but i guess.. my heart got this jerk and with the jerk its doors have closed.. and i have somehow locked myself up... refusing to open up to anyone.. just anyone.. 

fruit salad

Everyday.. as i walk down the road on my way to office... thousands of thoughts keep flashing in my head, endlessly... billions of faces come  in front of my eyes..at that very moment i have this craving to pen all my thoughts down but helpless as i am, i can't do that( as i failed to register myself on mobile bloggr) and when i come back home all tired , dead, frustrated and utterly cheesed off..i just don't know what to write? whatever i post is mostly based on this thing called " life".. funny but that's what i noticed that many of my past posts's contain the word " life" even in their titles..But that's what we all revolve around, and that's what revolves around us always , at every minute and every moment..its life and only life all around, be it good , bad, happy or sad.. it is life and its entirely upon us how we take it... smile , crib, cry or be full of happiness.. it will keep moving with the speed of time.. it never seems to stop.

Today, while walking , as i usually keep reading the funny and amusing hoardings hung up high, for the whole word to notice them..saw one of these ironically funny one's.. it read" jyotish salaahey bilkul free !!! 30 din mey asar na honey par 100% money back" lol i mean, what were they thinking?? when you are giving free advises then what will you pay the person back that too 100%, if the mumbo jumbo thing doesn't work in 30 days.. funny.. such things are surely possible only in our country, where people trust "trust" more than "logic" i must say, the "law of attraction" which states that what you believe is what you attract, its all in your thoughts, is of a very high magnitude in our country, where people believe something like so sternly that it does come true.

Past few days have been very weird, don't know what is it that's frustrating and literally agitating me so much? its like so so much anger has been suppressed and now its getting impossible to hold it back any more. Have been fighting with people, fought last night with one of my good friends, the one who seems to be wishing for something which i don't think can never be possible, isin't it irritaing when you are like so sure about something and still people keep on arguing over it? its like why cant they understand such a simple point? we may be wrong but , one certain occasions i think things are like destined to go badly haywire, no matter how much it is tried to be kept in place.

Came back home fought with sis, fought with everyone, then its a state of void when you can't express or explain what you are going through and people just smile it off and its like the worst thing at that moment that anyone can do to you, seems like a dormant volcano inside you has suddenly become active...

well well.. things keep going this way only it seems.. oh i forgot to mention about my buddy Ankit.. he got placed.. wow in his dream company. he was like really crestfallen, due to this whole placement shit.. so i very wisely gave hima piece of my mind... lol after all i could as i was more experienced in this case dude hehehe... and he made it.. so happy for him..
its moms birthday on the 10th and i am like clueless about what to gift her... had thought of making her something by hand, as in some handwork, embroidery  or something but, my disorganized schedule is just not allowing me to  do it :(.. so i  guess i will be gifting her a new cellphone.. yippiee!! hehehe shhh... its a secret.. see ya till next time ... gn

adieu to my alma mater...

December 1st 2012.. the D day the convocation day of bath 2008-12, B.des., Bf.Tech.,MFM.,M.des...... 4 years back( as i was from the bachelors programm no offense ot the masters batch)... students from far and wide, came to one of the most prestigious fashion colleges in india and on globe.. with hopes soaring high, endless dreams, full of life, full of enthusiasm.... strange faces slowly became the buddies of life..within no time, we learned the lessons of our lives.. came across beautiful people who taught us as our teachers , some lessons which will never ever be forgotten and will always move with us as we will take each step in life ahead. 4 years back as young and naive people .. little did we know that life would be so soo different the day we will be passing out after finishing our studies.. 4 years seemed a lifetime .. we thought it was like never ending, whenever the assignments or the work pressure used to be like reaching the brim. But yesterday , it all ended.

Yes, we shall never go back to that place now to attend any lectures, or hang around aimlessly in the cafetaria, heartlessly sit in the library for hours, watch cricket match in the cafetaria with the security guards, loaf around on the canteen valas bicycle(lol).. make lame excuses fo rbeing late to class... fight with the bestest of our buddies without even knowing the reasons, running to farthest parts of the world for sourcing , madly running around for printouts just a few hours before the jury, last mintue pinning and stapelling of garments which need to go on the ramp in like 5 secs, dancing like drunkards and doing funny shaadi kinda dances on nights like : spectrum and dandiya....

There have been biter sweet memoreis of college, but time just flew... and here we are... out in this big bad world now.... this place taught us the biggest and smallest of the lessons of life, which will definitely be very important in every decisons and endeavour in life that we shall take... this last day was a day of reunions.. and also some misunderstandings.. which may never be sorted out.. but then as it is said.. time is the best healer..

in the end would love to thank my college.. for whetever it gave me... the pride of being called a "Graduate" specially.. met lovely people here  perfect teachers.. awaseome juniors... brilliant seniors and some of the bestest buddies for lifetime...

time to say goodbye.. but when we are together by heart.. there are no goodbyes... 

Met my classmates, batchmates, teachers, even the guards and other helpers... and the best part was that i re united with some of those people with whom i was in a very strong bond at a point of time.. and due to some misunderstandings those bonds had faltered but not broken, that's what i realized when i hugged those people yesterday, never wanted to end this beautiful phase of my college life on any sort of "grudge notes".... but ya there was a little disappointment as well.. on the part of some people who had been like very close to me.. and just due to some misunderstandings.. they were so ready to give up this beautiful thing called" friendship"...without even trying to clear things .. guess they wanted such an occasion .. where they could just slip out silently.. i guess that person was the only one whom i didn't hug, as i was openly ignored when i took an initiative ...well may be they never wanted only to bbe in that sweet memory list of mine...but no love lost.. its all good and one  thing i have learned now so far is that instead of cribbing about the past.. we should just flow with the future and present current... life is beautiful and i guess a little too short to hold grudges.. hope i too am able to forgive and also forget that friend of mine... for whatever happened.. and rememeber only the good times spent with them.. :)

mundane life...

well well well.... after a whole lot of time i am back again with a piece of my life... actually my net wasn't working thanks to Ankit (one of my very good friends with whom i studied in school till class 5 and then we met this year like after almost 13 yrs......!!!!!! gosh! that's a pretty long time i must say but then as he too is studying in Mumbai itself so we are like back as school buddies again) its working again yippie!!

All these days a lot of things happened, after grandma left for her heavenly abode... life has changed, yes a lot, and now it will always be the same, but as time passes we all have to learn to adapt ourselves to the changes, even if we don't wish to..life sometimes doesn't give us choices.

Well i am really not very interested to work my fingers upon the keyboard, text my mind .. use apt words and then end up writing about office and work, therefore a big NO NO, as in a nutshell, things at work are never in place only, and despite of trying like so hard to sneak peak and do blogging. i couldnt manage to :(.. as i was too busy...

but i am happy as i am able to write again. feels good, as my heart has this lock which has lost its key and despite of many tries i am unable to speak out so many things which i used to earlier..therefore writing my feelings and thoughts down, becomes even more imperative..
From past sometime, have been fighting and there has been so  much misunderstanding between some of my closest friend and me... and happened even with one of my bestest friends.. it was a bit shocking how, that friend whom i had always considered like so close, and never had any intentions to hurt or make him feel bad.. chose someone else's friendship over me.. but then as things happened, got messy and nastier by days.. i realized that its really useless to expect so much, i had changed myself completely towards any such expectations but then again some day or the other it kept coming up .. but as i know myself.. m definitely a "hard way" learner.. :) i won't ever blame or curse my friend. i know he never thought bad of me or any such thing but ya, may be with time when such things happen repeatedly ... we tend to move a little away from even the closest of our people..its not his fault.. but what to do...things are sometime involuntary ..

And most of the time its definitely a bad phase and tons of misunderstandings that make you think all wrong only, but that's also not the"only" case.. its all a part and parcel of the same thing, and as it is said.. learn to take life as it comes..

In all this hunting and chasing..i happened to grab hold of a book, absolutely not my genre, and probably the thickest i have ever read... the book called
" KRISHNA KEY" by ashwin sanghi.. as i have some sort of inclination and fascination towards lord krishna. i just bout it , and for the first time in 23 years, read a historic fiction, as i am not a book worm or a voracious reader...but as i keep picking up any random genres and just start off.. its not that bad.. .. these days i am reading " the last lecture" by randy pauch, a book written by a dying man who wants to give a lesson , say those last few things and share his feelings, tell stories, crack anecdotes and say those last few things to his loved ones and even to the world, the concept on the whole seemed very intriguing to me but i dont knw the book isisnt seeming that interesting as such, though have just started,, hehehe too soon to judge.

apart from that, watched this movie called" the life of pi".. i was like spell bound, the whole concept was so thrilling, beautiful imagination, wonder when a  human can be that creative..that how creative GOD must be....also watched the last part of the twilight saga..breaking dawn 2...sadly the saga ends with this part, wished it continued.. :( but then what begins has to end... phew!!! feels relieved.. today . after venting out such small yet important segments of my day to day life :)...

a playground called "LIFE"

One of those moments..when things at your personal as well as professional ends are absolutely haywire..friction everywhere...
why are we always standing at such a crossroad every second day.. where you have to just gulp a lump ..down your throat and show the bestest of your smiles?

certain times things cant even be shared with family , friends , acquaintances or anyone at all.. seems like one will shatter in fact we do shatter but then again you have to get your own duster and a broom and gather your shattered self..
Every soul is literally hunting for "love"...which doesn't even seem to exist...then why are these souls running behind something so virtual so superficial...something extinct...a friend of mine.. who recently became a good friend id say, seems to be in love...with someone who doesn't even believe in this word... despite of my regular and copious trials ..it all seems to be going in vain, how do i make him understand that all this is just a matter of a few moments a few things that might have clicked you by may be talking to someone regularly or something..?
Sometimes i feel really sad.. as it is the very first time that he seems to have fallen in such a feeling and he too feels that its an eternal and never ending feeling.. little does he know that its all a very dull feeling..which never works out....the next moment i also get that feel that .. i am discouraging someone who might be lucky in this gamble of the love thingy... but as i know the person he likes is just opposite to what he is...as in... their natures , views, thoughts, likes dislikes everything is way apart... 

In my own life going off track, sometimes i feel how do i help the ones close to me get on track?the helpless feeling of not being able to do anything about your loved one's issues.. really churns your heart bad...

There is surely something drastic about this year.. the prediction of 2012... don't know f it literally meant that things will end the earth the living beings or the mankind.. but ya on the emotional front... it really did kill a lot of things inside..i really do not know what this year end will bring forth.. but this year will surely be one of the most memorable years in my life.. one by one .. things kept slipping away...and all i could do was just watch... with plain eyes and an expressionless face... all i wish for now.. is that this year ends on a happy note.( which seems to be quite rarely possible)..tonight i want to make a profound prayer for all the loved ones of mine.. close to me in any respect.. attached to me by any means .. with or not with me physically..
as i know.. i can only be happy when these people will be like very happy and in deep solace..all our happiness is intertwined and interlinked...and i am sure.. god almighty will surely make things much much better and bearable for all of us.....

was listening to one of my favorite songs .. by the maestro : A.R. Rehman..(shauk hai~ movie GURU)

a line from this song always resounds in my head...

"kaash ye zindagi... khel hi khel mey kho gayi hoti..."

 and makes me wonder .. what if it was true.. and life could actually be a fun filled play ground..a courtyard where we all used to play as kids and the rules of the game could change as per our convenience... when the youngest of our siblings would get upset after they got caught and were upset about it.. the elder one would step in and ignore it completely and give them another chance...just for a small smile on their face...

the ultimate truth of life

The sand slowly slipped from the hourglass ....and my AMMA...left for her heavenly abode on 7th october 2012,.. cant explain or express the hapless feeling i am going through, the last time i met her was in the month of January .. she bid me a hearty goodbye and a good luck too as i was about to go for my final year exams in college.. little did i know that it was the last time i was seeing her... wished i could tick the clock backwards or i had the dexterousness of some big scientist to build up my own time machine and go back in time, i know it was impossible to stop her from leaving for her eternal journey but all i wanted was to bid her a proper and loving goodbye.

i never imagined i would see her that way all wrapped up in a white sheet. pale and ice cold, with no sign of life.. seemed like she was just having  a nap.. the only thing missing was the way in which she used to exhale her breath while sleeping that made a funny sound, the way she snored.... all that was missing was "one breath of life"...

With my grandma's departure, i suddenly understood this thing called" the ultimate truth of life"... which is death.. we love each other, we fight for each other , we kill each other we do so many things. but in the end.. what remains is.. just melancholy , emptiness and old memories in our subconscious and conscious mind.

Jainism states.. that our jeeva or the soul takes birth in "3 pals" or within 3 moments after the soul leaves the body..its all so well calculated and planned. which means she too must have had a rebirth by now.. in fact way before.. all i wish for now is, immense peace, satisfaction ,solace and happiness for her, wherever she has started her new life cycle, may the lord be with her and provide her all the necessary requirements and may she fulfill her karmas gratefully ..

JAI JINENDRA.