she and me..

phew!!... the D- day is over.. finally, we had this jury , which was kind of, important :P.. thankfully all went well., everybody came out smiling, or with mixed expressions, that's actually "more then enough" when it comes to our juries..." all's well that ends well"....past few days have been quite stress full , as well as thoughtful , had an emotional outburst after a long long time, thanks to my mom and a "few good men"( ahahahha puns intended) , gathered myself back.

when i turn behind n look at that girl standing far away , at a distance of 4 years from me, she looks so much like me, i wonder how?.. she even wears glasses, like i do..but its not me, who is she?then i see her, slowly fade away and become evanescent...

sometimes i happen to see this girl again, she doesn't utter a word, nor do i question her, and she again vanishes away, in these few days, she was with me, all the while. i was asked by a few people, why i look so lost, upset, am i bothered??..to which i gave a genuine"i am fine :)'' thankfully i could overcome that girl at that moment, they also got confused, they thought they saw me, but it was just an illusion, she had been replacing me all these days.

it was 'me'.. she was "me'.. 4 years back, when things were different, solutions , came through discussing them out, 'just speak out' and your problems will be solved, was actually a magic, which did happen , being after people, literally irritating them to death , just for one hint. that could lead to what's bothering them , in order to find solutions to it, honestly discussing a genuine idea, just with the hope of more suggestions..

the gradations and graduations in time, people, thoughts, situations, atmosphere, priorities...murdered that girl, my mom says, "never break a loving heart, once it breaks, it can never be mended... and i feel , once it breaks,all the love it is filled with, spills out, rendering it empty";

wont comment about the others,but i know even their own sweet replicas are also with them sometimes but yes for sure, they let them take over quite less, but yeah, my replica , she stays with me, even now, and i know it, yeah she remains hidden, but she knows it now when she should be visible , and ill always protect her no matter what, times will change.. as change is the ultimate truth, they say, be selfish, think about yourself , let the world go to hell, don't expect, but... why such things happen??? stop..and think for a while, even you have been that way with someone, you too have shattered someone's expectation, you too have been selfish, " Reap what you sow"

what i believed, 4 years from now, i still do, but its modified a bit now, as far as talking your problems out is concerned, genuinely don't feel like doing that now, when you are seen in a bad phase, people just feel happy within( experience).

its not that bad, being 'me' , don't know why, may be it was supposed to happen this way only, theirs this,, queer silence , a weird peace, a peculiar pause, this reverie i stay in , these days, is kind of giving me a genuine solace, being lonely was something i always feared, but now i kind of love it, but yeah i am not a loner also, i like people around, but i know even in that crowd, i am alone, actually, every one is, aah... past insomniac week has really rendered me baffled , i am sure, my narration of the whole " she and me" thing , would sound bizarre, but i have this thing, may appear negative , but that's how i am, you need to read between the lines, its never elaborate, when it comes to me....(at least now it is so).