office office

Its September 1st, and its our boss's birthday today, at office,(its my 3rd month of work..just started working :)) everyone is busy preparing for it... ohh i havnt mentioned much about people at office and all the new friends i made recently.
The day i joined, it didnt seem that cool as such i mean it was a very mixed feeling , i am sure most of us feel the same when its like our very 1st job. Just out of college , my friend namrata and i joined this company together actually in better words, we got placed together .. when i entered office , saw this bright blue color with a cool gray combination everywhere.. the best part was when i got my own desk wow.. a good feeling :D hehehe.. my own pc, and bla bla bla , well how my office is i shall go on with that now.. i work in a garment industry, as a designer .. people are absolutely chilled out here.. but whats worth watching in office is,... the second half..:D after lunch eveyrone seems to just go in a different state of mind, theres madness everywhere, running for approvals, there's a huge tugg of war, and on one side.. funny songs from the old rapchik hindi movies keep playing its really a sight :P....and all this madness is followed by a funny local train journey back home, gosh the way women fight and panic is like unbelievable ...threats, warnings, screams, scratching, pinching yelling... you cant even think of anything else.. but ya it really makes you realize that you are alive, because you wish and pray for just a small breath of fresh air, as you are stuffed and jam packed , in that small train compartment, as if Hitler has repeated history and its again the black hole tragedy. 

once i escape from this railway jungle, its time for the "BEST BUSES" what an ironic name they have been given, BEST... god knows from which angle :P... the biggest problem i face is.. that the numbers of the buses are written in the hindi counting, and it s soo damn confusing, everyday i end up running behind an anonymous bus and ask the conductor or the driver if that bus would go to my destination?...pheww.... that's  
how a mundane day is in my life... instead of working right now i am blogging here :P... hehehe

amma...

time has its own ways to get things done, every year around the month of july-august only i suddenly get enlightened to pen down my emotions :) funny thing...

a lot has happened in all these days, many people went many people came, many are there only where they always were, many are just there superficially. college is over now, work has started, things are growing, time is running out, and there is soo much to do stilll..

in all this madness and rage, my life has still been going at its normal smooth course, thanks to all the good people in my life and around me, college did end on a bit bitter note but then as they say, "sabra ka phal meetha hota hai!! " so i guess i can wait for all the fruits and then in the end i can nicely make a fruit salad and hog on it :D.....

I guess that was too much of unnecessary introduction, let me come to the point now, today this post will be dedicated to one of my oldest in fact, not one of my
my grandmother.....

 but THE OLDEST friend of mine...

"अम्मा ""

life is strange... when we are born the only person we know is our mother only, the very 1st one we see in this world, then slowly we meet other relatives , family members, siblings, school starts, we make friends and this list of knowing people goes on and on and on.....

i too started this way, but in all this i also had a very close buddy, that was amma, a small fair figure, wrapped in a cotton kota saree, reddish brown hair as she puts that weird colored dye, a meek physique, solitaires sparkling in the ears with her spex on,, she sits in the winter sun and reads news paper...
her life lies in 3 things.... her transistor, classical indian music and peanuts... amma i still remmeber how on those  chilled winter nights, we used to put that "angeethi"(coal furnace) and you used to set the peanuts on its brim to make them warm and crispy, those shivering mornings, when you used to tell me to wipe myself properly after bath else i would catch cold and i used to get my tiffin ready right before time for school ......

on odd days you used to make semolina kheer, for sis and myself....the best cook :), the best teacher, who taught me maths which i hated like anything, showed me the world with your eyes, when i had almost hidden myself away from geography, took me back in history and taught me stories of the brave jhaansi ki rani, yeah thats what you used to call me whenever i used to fall down and start crying,always worried you used to be about my future " you still haven't donr your home work? your summer vacations are ending soon?" thats what your dialogues always used to be, which in turn made me give you dirty cold looks.

How will i ever forget those evenings, when i used to comb your hair and make two plats out of it and we both used to share a hearty laugh, your getting irritated when i used to pick up things from your study table and never keep them back , those fixed hindi daily soaps that you used to watch by almost sitting inside the television :)...moments when you used to oil my hair and curse me for having such dry hair and never oiling them timely, those afternoons when you used to sleep off while reading a book or the newspaper with your spex on and them leave them somewhere, and kept looking for them for days....

those trips to holy pilgrims we traveled together, those days of poojas in the temple, when you used to have a big proud smile on your face after seeing me attending it cause otherwise i always used to get your taunt" the whole society comes to the temple except for our house " .

those hot sunny days, when we both sat in the rickshaw and went slowly chit chatting , to your tailor or some bank work, and i know you hated me for making you bankrupt on the way, for reminding you to buy unnecessary things ahahaha.....all the lovely cosy nights we all spent together sitting in the quilt playing cards and ludo....

i know i left my best friend mid way.... slowly and suddenly.... ill never be able to forgive myself for abandoning you.... lonely and all on your own....as i grew... my heart shrank smaller and smaller... that love for you never died but ya.. priorities changed... school then college i still remember that day when i was leaving for college, you did cry :( and so did i...after babaji(grandpa) left... i promised myself that ill never let you be alone.. i did keep it but ya after sometime i did break it too....

i know you wont be with me for long, but i wish....i get another chance , just to make you feel special and cherish all those moments again with you..... please don't leave so soon..... :(

...time to let go

don not feel like writing anything these days, there are surely some cosmic and past life connections with some people in your life, i can bet and vouch and swear upon it really.. its been happening since childhood, some one or the other for sure comes across , and that person just takes away everything you ever wished and yearned for.... guess its just destiny, but its really disappointing, but then, its practically in nobody's hands to fidget with it, my mom says, its the best to accept things the way they are and go with the flow, when you know , nothing can be done about it.... i know mum its a very piece of advice but its not that easy...

life's a beautiful puzzle game, with the significance of each and every block,some of them we already find in the game box, while rest we have to hunt for..

i guess... its time to let it go :)... hope i am strong enough to do it..

0 comments..

certain things can actually be termed as"0 comments" they are either too good to be commented upon or too upsetting .. well i have been facing such kinda of situations lately, the '0 comment' situations,though my dussehra was nice, with a funny ravan in the society, and yummy food, gosh we though we would be spotted as some trespassers :P who are just there greedy foody people, but naah we too had invitation hehehe...

it was a full on festive season, ganpati followed by durga pooja,... lights, colors, new clothes, sweets, families, gatherings, music( be it apt or not) fun and frolic everywhere, but there was always a contrast, recently with a very close friend of mine something very unpleasant happened just before Dussehra, her father expired.. i mean, its again a''0 comment'' situation... its like, should one be happy about the fest or sad about the loss??....

these '0 comment' situations sometimes really put you in a very tight spot, just now like, half and hour back, a very dear friend of mine preeti, whom i have mentioned in my earlier posts as well, asked me to come along with her for a short trip to mahabaleshwar, me, despite of wanting to go so badly, still stayed back... reason , some hidden old hesitations and lost old painful memories, which no matte rhow much you try, never seem to get normal..

lastly, this BIG FAT LIZARD, whom i happened to spot just now while talking to my roomi about ghosts and supernatural powers, something i just love to discuss, :p... goshh... i just hope this thing goes away sooonnnnnn....

dhinchak dandiya

finalyyy... dont know after how many days i am writing today was DANDIYA NIGHT!! at college, wahaaoo... well its not so wow also as exciting as its name seems :P..we started practicing in between of our exam jury only, have many gujju girls..in my class, they danced so beautifully, plus i just looovee to dance, be it any form :).. would love to go for this proper professional one some day :) as for now let me tell how it happens in our college :D for better explanation:

• there"s a useless DJ, who tried to be really cool ... but its actually on the contrary .
• this time we all got ready on time but the best part was.. the rains wow.. all of a sudden from nowhere it rained.. everyone thought it was a flop show but naah.. it did happen with full mastii!!..
• A whole lot of people, some over dressed, some under dressed, some least bothered .
• those carefree and care full people at the same time are absolutely '' clueless'' about what's dandiya or even garba ... gosh... what madness happens. people are trying to figure out somehow how do 1 move that 1 step.. but as always after 5 mins... they are back to there ''baraati dance''... ''dhinchak''...
• but it was fun... after sulking for more than a week now, i was really happy for a change,dressed up with full zeal and excitement... love to dress up when i am in a mood, else usually i am just-out-of-bed types :p.
• my roomi , who happens to be from ahmedabad, she taught me garba ... waaahhoooo i just loved it.. always wanted to do that dance in those big huge circles how they show on tv, though never got a chance, but i did learn and it is so soo nice, overwhelms you completely :)
• aha forgot, something was seriously wrong with me today, i was on this fast, but as always i was dancing like a drunkard ..now my legs are completely out of order...
• yeah.. the day was nice... ended on a happy note.. would be even happier if i get a good night sleep.. which i surely will get as i am D-E-A-D tired..

who will cry when you die?

well i am not talking about the book... just another thought, something i guess i'll have to

share it out on this blog window only, as i am not very good with verbal expres

sion, i

can counsel people,

but i can't express myself, its easier to pen it down, something that's happening continuously, since always, there's this question i have...

what fun do people get in , imitating someone and then acting that they didn't even notice?? behaving as if they always were this way when they themselves know it well that they never were so?..you meet someone, like something about it, yeah its no big deal if you pick it up.. but why the hell do you have to show it out as if it is your own original idea? WHY IS IT SO TOUGH TO COMPLIMENT OR GIVE SOME ONE THAT DESERVED CREDIT?

its not a big issues, if you are criticized for something you are not good at or you made a mistake in it... but it really kills you when you are pin pointed on something you are soo good at....its so unbelievable........ when your time is good, you find happiness in everything you do, in fact, in good times, even if u are upset with something, whatever you do really works out!!.. its so freaking true!!!... may be sounding doltish but it is my personal experience...and when your times are dark, whatever you do what ever you say is just misinterpreted , or goes unheard... personal experience again.. :)

i believe in stars, i believe in planets, i believe in good times and so do i in bad times.... people may say ''its crap, superstition etc etc''... but when it happens its impact is felt... generally, people are very good with giving lectures, that, why don't you do this that etc?... its really impossible for the likes of them to understand that its really painful, when all your trials fail, for no reason....it smothers you deeply, when everything you touch becomes obsolete... luck is not everything but it is ''something''....

whenever we are with some one whenever they are sad, and need a shoulder to rely upon cry upon.... we are remembered.... but whenever times are gay, we are forgotten, people move on.... happily :) don't even turn back, even to check if they have taken their bag or not.... once they walk they just walk...blindly.

a broken mirror is never remembered for all the beauty it once reflected, another question"".... aren't we actually forgetting our own beauty by forgetting that mirror?''

i used to feel.. that ya.. people are selfish let them be, its their wish,mostly its said..ya i became selfish as the situations were such, i do believe in it but to some extent..when some one becomes selfish due to circumstances it isin't a permanent change, deep down inside they are good which they were before, but people who were born selfish never change... but its painful to see, that such people only prosper these days.... even god is on their side..... so it means.. if you aren't selfish you do not deserve to be here?? has god made this earth only for those people????

then i guess.... it is a big question ".... who will cry when you die?'' look inside and evaluate yourself.... if you are selfish if you are self centered... you will have a good funeral :) otherwise... keep wondering....''who will cry when you die??''

god is.. one of us..

after throwing out buckets full of stagnant water, from my cornea and nasal cavities , got back to my same old facebook profile page, just when i noticed one of my friend's status, reading out a few lines from one of my favorite songs .... ''what if god was one of us?? just a slob like one of us... just a stranger on the bus, trying to make his way home... back up to heaven all alone...''

whenever i listen to this song, it really takes me in a reverie, i start flying in my own world of whims and fancies, where there is God, my closest friend... whom i always forget, so i have decided to take this time out, to apologize to him, though he is never angry with anybody, as said by my wise mom, but, everyone needs love, appreciation, care, concern so does he. he does have a name,he does have a face,god is one of us, he too is a stranger on the bus, a slob like us , a loner sometimes, who is approached by myriad , but loved by a handful .... he needs phone calls, he needs emails( bruce almighty) :P....he is just like us, who loves to love and loves to be loved, he gets jealous, he is demanding, he is even a psycho sometimes, he is beautiful , he may be a she also :D he is his own biggest magic :)...

he's a child

he's a mother

he's a boyfriend

he's a brother

he's a stranger

he's a friend

his presence may fade for sometime, but he is the only companion , who was and will always be there till the end...

why is god always shown as an old wise man with a big white beard?

its a small realization, that keeps coming back to me , and then again fades back in the mist, the realization which i am still not able to accept, people say, think about yourself, let the rest go to hell... but.. god never asked us to do this ever.. did he? today, while walking on the empty streets around 11 in the night, i realized i was alone, physically, as well as mentally, where was my mind? it was still hunting for a companion, its easy to tell your physical being to adapt yourself to a situation, but to tell your intellectual being, it isin't very easy.

god, you always walk with us, behind us or may be ahead of us, where ever you walk, your main motto is ''just to be with us'' and become our holy guide. i know its pretty doltish, to keep looking for a skeleton covered with skin, always around you, but we all are lunatics, as this realization requires very high intellect, our secret pact , our treaties, our gossips, our confessions... where are they??? i promise i will find them back... very soon, :)....

yeah yeah god is great, yeah yeah god is good, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah....